Vienna summer style tips 2014

Hey Vienna! The hot weather’s back and it’s time to enjoy all the wonders our little metropolis on the Danube has to offer: swimming in a river that smells like a wet dog, a seemingly endless succession of cultural festivals (JazzPopFestWochenTreiben- IntoTheImpulsTanz), countless opportunities to drink outdoors. And then there are the little everyday joys: fellow public transit guests with liberal views on personal hygiene (or who apparently bathe in stale beer) …air conditioning controlled by overmotivated public transit employees…hour-long lines for organic ice cream…fighting your way through mobs of tourists like salmon on their way upstream…the list goes on and on.

But what to wear when you’re out enjoying this aestival paradise? Here are a few tips for keeping cool and looking stylish while maintaining Vienna’s rep as Europe’s Worst-Dressed City…

Plaids, especially for men, have made a strong comeback in the last couple years and they’re still going strong – the perfect look for Schottentor. We like light-colored patterns with huge logos splashed over the top. And what goes best with a plaid shirt? Plaid shorts, of course – particularly when the two patterns bear no conceivable relationship to one another. We also recommend stripes.

Vests are also making a strong showing for men. Here we see plaids again – but also pinstripes, tweeds, and perversions of classic patterns that would cause riots on Savile Row. We suggest completing this sartorial statement with a tasteful Ed Hardy t-shirt and jeans, or with an untucked dress shirt and Hawaiian shorts. Wear it to the concert hall, wear it to the Heurigen, wear it at 3am while passed out in the U6!

Neons, neons, neons! The late 80s/early 90s are back, folks – be sure to take advantage. Sherbet orange is the new black.

Always a classic for ladies: the crop-top or tummy-tee. The perfect accent for an early-stage beer belly!

Hipster girls! We know you felt left out during the MC Hammer years. Thankfully, what once were called “fun pants” (and are now apparently called “harem pants“) are here! Those light cotton pants in outlandish prints are taking over the 4th, 7th and 16th Districts – don’t be left out.

Gentlemen: nothing says “I’m ready for anything” like a sport coat with short pants. Wear it straight from the office to Tel Aviv Beach.

Still stumped? Simply go into H&M – or better, New Yorker – close your eyes, and start grabbing. Then step out into our new favorite recreational construction site – the Mariahilfer Strasse – and start bumping, grinding and exchanging foul looks with your fellow fashionistas. Ready, set, sudern!